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| I got a new xanga site..
come take a look.
www.xanga.com/tyramaelovesyou
YEP.
That's it.
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| I'm so sick of not being good enough.. I can't help it I'm not like her other friends. I can't help it me and her are slipping away. We used to be so close.. we used to laugh together.. we used to like, NEVER get close to fighting.. and so on. But I guess this is just growing up. I'm SORRY, okay? I guess it just kind of worreys me that I'm not going to grow up with any friends.. I don't really HAVE any friends.. any true friends beside a couple of them. Sometimes I think that she hates me. I know it's not true, but sometimes I find myself telling me that. Sooner or later I'm going to start to believe it.
And then there's guys.. I can NEVER get a good enough guy to ever date me.. I'm always single. And when I do find a guy, they're either someone I'm just going out with to have a boyfriend or feel sorry about, or they end up breaking my heart. I've only really been heartbroken once.. one and a half times, I guess you could say. When I was dating Phil back in.. uhhh.. 2004, I didn't really understand feelings and relationships that much to cry over it too much. But I don't actually call him my real first kiss.. I was sort of forced into it.. by some of my friends. PEER PREASURE. Damn, son. I guess my real first kiss was.. well you know who. That guy who broke my gosh dang heart. Sometimes I wonder if love ever did want me?
And then there's school. I'm never good enough for my mom. I try so, so hard at my grades, and she still gets mad at me over them. I don't know what to do!! This kind of goes along with sports.. I'm like, the WORSE at sports half of the time.. I always regress instead of progress.. especially in swimming.. but I don't know anymore.
I just DON'T know. | | |
| OMG. Chicago was awesome.. I just got home. We left about eight in the morning. Before we left Rochester, my dad, brother, and I all ate at the bagel shop because we were hungry of course. I got a strawberry jet tea and a bacon egg and cheese toasted bagel. It was GOOOD. And then on our way there my dad was going fucking crazy because he is scared of heights and we had to go over a bridge that was up really high. We spent 65 cents on road tolls! Lol. Anyways.. then my dad was looking for our hotel.. or the John Hancock building because that was where we had to park. It was right across the street from our hotel and it was HUGE. Tall, I mean. We went all the way to the top and all.. you can see three miles ahead of you. It was awesome. After that we walked up to Navy Pier. On the way there I saw a bunch of homeless people.. awww! Poor people. We went on a speed boat ride on the Great Lake. It was pretty cool. The water is soooo blue. And I mean crystal blue. Like yeah. And then we ate at some restraunt in Navy Pier. That was fun.. the food wasn't that good though. Then we went to an Aquariam.. it was awesome. I got to see whales, dolphins, and even penguins. No purple ones though.. :( Sorry Kaity. Lol! After that we went back to the hotel and got our room. It was an okay hotel.. four stars. Wasn't much to me, though. They didn't have a freaking pool. :( Oh well. No time to swim, anyways. We stayed there until about six thirty and headed out to the concert. KORN, baby, KORN. We headed up to the top level.. weren't too bad of seats though. They were actually pretty fucking awesome seats. Then 10 years started out as the opening and after that was Mudvayne and then.. DUN DUN DUN.. KORN WAS PLAYING. OMG. I love Korn.. I started screaming, yo. The best feeling in the world.. music [KORN] blasting in my ears, the smell of weed and alcohol floating in the air and me breathing it in, lighters all lit up like candels during the slowER songs, feeling the music pounding through your chest and through your heart.. it was the BEST feeling I had ever felt. And I was even getting high off of the fumes from the weed. And during.. I think Liar, was it? They had like bugs and shit like leaches and scorpians and worms and stuff and I was all freaking out because I felt like they were crawling all over me.. the many wonders of weed. LOL. I wasn't smoking any though. One time the lead singer came out playing the bagpipes.. because he does so in the song Liar.. I love that song. The best part was when he was playing A.D.I.D.A.S! It was like a little colouge of a bunch of songs.. GOD. I loved it. Then we went home a little early so we could get a taxi.. goddammit dad and Tyrus. I wanted to stay. I bought a Korn shirt as we were leaving. Then when we were going back we got a van.. my dad's such a dumbass because a van costs more and he was all worried about his money. The guy kept on going really fast and stuff trying to give us a good time (and raising up his tip) and stuff. It was pretty cool. After we got back we didn't go to the hotel straight away. We walked around.. and debated on whether we wanted to go to a 50's diner or McDonalds. We chose McDonalds. LOL. Fatasses R Us. Then I went to bed afterwards. In the morning I tried calling Hannah but it didn't work.. so I didn't get to see Hannah. DDDx I was sad. But ah well.. maybe some other time. We went walking around for a little bit.. I bought a shirt that says "What The Duck" which was really a picture of a rubber ducky and some arm band glove thingies that say "I hate everything." Ah well.. they're pretty cool. Then we went to the book store and I bought a book called Smashed, Memoirs of a Geisha, and a book thong. Yes, a book thong. LOL. Thongs aren't just for women now of days. Lmao. And then I bought the newest Korn CD at the book store, too. And then we walked around some more.. ate at Subway and some Thai food place.. and that was about it. And then we started going home.. dad got lost.. asked for directions but didn't follow them correctly.. went to the mall in Valpo.. and I bought some stuff at Spencers and Hot Topic. And Tyrus bought a crystal ball and some other shit from a Bhuddist/Wiccan/Whatever The Hell You Wanna Call It store. Then we left and we got home about ten thirty. Anyways, that is how my whole TWO days went. Exciting, eh? | | |
| OMG. I haven't updated in SUCH a long time.. I can't believe myself. Mainly because I've been catching up on school work and all.. but anyhow. Today I bought a new skii jacket. And no, I do not skii any bit. Never even TOUCHED a skii.. well a water skii but that's a lot different. I'll post some pictures at the end of this entry. It probably won't be too long though.. Anyways. Yesterday I went to the movies with Danielle, Nate, Ashlee, and Andy. Andy was my "date" if that's what you wanna call it. We're just friends for now though. And uhh.. yeah. Ashlee was there alone because Levi Brower didn't come.. well he did but he just up and left.. because he didn't have any money and all and he just came by to get the jones so he didn't feel like he just ditched Ashlee.. even though she still felt ditched.. poor Ashie. I love her dearly, though.. Anyways. Today I hung out went to Wal-mart a first time just to watched Ashlee and Emily get a picture tooken.. WHOO. That was fun. She accidentally walked out with a hat she was borrowing from the store though. LMAO. That was hilarious. That little left of mine. Ah well.. spring break is going pretty good so far. I feel like it's almost over.. even though I still got like six more days until I go back to school... hah. Anyways, I think I'm going to go. Seeya everyone. I LOVE YOU! Haha. How could I not?
 Umm.. I know you're lying.
 My favie. <3
 My Grillz!!
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| I want an emo boy.. an emo boy that will treat me for me. I want an emo boy that will be my best guy friend without being gay. I want a gay friend. I want an emo boy that will always be there for me. I want an emo boy who won't cheat, nor lie. I want an emo boy that isn't always emotional. I want an emo boy that I can cry my shoulder on. I want an emo boy who won't make me die. I want an emo boy who will encourage me. I want an emo boy who will laugh with me. I want an emo boy to cure my bleeding wrists.
Ahh.. the agony of depression. Ah well. The sicknesses in the family ALWAYS get me. Bipolar. And sometimes I think I'm schizofrenic. It's hereditary, you know. And it's all because my great grandmother slept with a black dude. LMAO. I'm just kidding, that's probably not the reason. Ah well. I guess I'll find someone sooner or later. I mean, I still have 70 somewhat years. Haha. Sometimes I don't think that's long enough to live.. but sometimes I think it's too long. Maybe I'll grow up being a drunk smokaholic pot smokin' crack addicted meth head with an STD and knock a few extra years off of my life. Haha. I doubt that'd happen. I don't want to die.. I'm sort of afraid to die. I guess that's why I'd be scared as hell to go off into the army or something.. By the way, I have friends who want to go off into the army.. well guy friends anyways. It kinda worreys me because I'm afraid to lose people, too. Ah well. I haven't much more to say and I have to go off and finish my social studdies exam. She sent it home since I haven't been at school since the nineth and it's the eighteenth. Holy crap, that IS a long time. And I really miss all of my friends. Especially Reagan, Ashlee, Emily, and Audi. So just leave me a comment or something. | | |
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